A Heavy Heart

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I think today I understand the meaning of a “heavy heart.”

I’ve been through my share of trials, and I’ve definitely had my heart broken as I experienced abandonment and divorce. When I received a text last week from a very dear friend I felt my own heart just drop, and ever since I’ve felt such raw pain and heavy emotion.

She let me know her husband passed away. It was very unexpected, and very sudden. Tragic is a word I can’t stop using. They were just weeks away from their 1st anniversary. She didn’t feel like talking, so she sent a text. But she did want to see me and Jacob. We were both friends with her separately before we were ever together. In fact, she’s probably the reason we’re together- always making sure there were activities where we had time to be alone together since she could tell we were both silently digging each other and too shy to push away the other suitors or compete. She cared, and she wanted us to be happy even if she had to sacrifice her own time and activities. She was the first single friend I found post divorce, and supported and loved me through all my pain. That’s who she is: kind, selfless, never judging, and a true friend.

We went over immediately after work to see a very crushed soul. To try to help get her car and clothes from an apartment she couldn’t face after it held a death scene. And we cried. We both cried. We cried a lot.

And after, we hugged. We hugged a lot. And let each other know how thankful we are for one another. And we both realized how blessed we are to be married, and to be married happily. To have our health, to have each other, and to have precious time on earth together.

Last night we attended the viewing. And we cried. We cried again. We hugged her. We looked at table of pictures in chronological order of his life, and I just broke down again when I got the last two years- the dating the wedding. I thought of attending the wedding, and in her vow her saying “I always felt broken around other people, and you’re the first person to ever make me feel complete.” I cried then. She deserved happiness more than anyone after a very hard life full of trials.

He’s a wonderful person. She’s a wonderful person. It took them many years to find each other. And in one night your whole world can change.

How fragile life is. How much we take those precious moments and people for granted. How heavy my heart has been for a week. How much it hurts to even think of what if I were in her shoes.

I’ve hugged Jacob a lot more this week. I’ve tried to tell him I love him 10 times a day or more. I’ve let him know something specific I love about him every day.

And so my friends and readers, can I ask one favor of you? In honor of a dear friend who can’t tell her husband how much she loves him tonight, could you tell at least one of the people you love the most how you feel tonight? Could you thank them for something specific? I can think of nothing she’d want more than to know that there’s a little more love in the world, and that some goodness came of something so tragic.

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  1. Ali Mills says:

    I'm so sorry for your loss. <3

  2. This made me cry at work. I want to give her a hug, please give her one for me. I will be praying for her. My husband was a widower when we met, his late wife past away when she was 26. I can not begin to know how she is feeling but she is blessed to have friends like you walking along side her through this pain.