How to Date Your Spouse & Keep Love Alive

Ready for a great date night to really connect with your spouse? Here’s how to date your spouse and keep love alive!

When you’re a newlywed it feels so strange to have couples make snarky remarks about dating your spouse and how much that changes as time goes on. I’d feel my heart sink so often hearing how dating your spouse is an almost distant memory for many couples. This is why we started Friday We’re in Love, our project to make date night happen every week.

And now that we have 10 years of marriage and 12 years of dating under our belt, we’re asked often how to date your spouse and what we recommend for couples who are out of the habit.

It’s easy to continue to date your spouse once you get back in the groove. Trust us, it truly becomes something you both will look forward to and love!

Continue to Date Your Spouse

Here’s a bunch of tips to help you keep the spark alive and make it fun to continue to date your spouse!

Ask Each Other Out

I know this sounds funny, but do you remember the joy of a crush actually asking on a date? It’s a magical feeling! I don’t think there’s any need to formally call one another. But I do know a little spark of keeping love alive ignites with each text we send each other asking the other if we want to do a specific activity for a date.
We also like to make sure dates are formally booked on our schedules. It’s amazing how that calendar invite for a block of time can give the same surge of excitement a formal asking out while single did.
Find your way to do you, and still make the effort to ask each other out.
Make an Actual Plan

A few years ago my husband worked abroad for a few months without me. Our dates were often long-distance date ideas. When my husband returned home and we had our first date night out, we looked at each other and thought “Wait what are we even doing?” We were out of the habit and didn’t make plans aside from dinner.
If you’re out of habit like we were, we have a post all about how to make date night happen when you’re out of the habit.
It doesn’t have to be complicated, but do make an actual plan. Even if it’s just a dinner reservation.
Formally Book it on Your Calendar

I mentioned this earlier, but we love making sure dates are digitally booked on our phone and email calendars. Once it’s there, it’s easy to always reference and not cancel.
It’s really helped us avoid conflicts or letting other things take precedence over date night. Plus, we already know if we can make it before we even formally book it with a little formal calendaring.
Don’t Forget to Try to Look and Feel Your Best

Remember when you had your first date with someone you were excited to go with? I’m betting you put a little time and effort into picking an outfit and double-checking your appearance. The beauty of marriage is your spouse loves you in sweats and pajamas. But I’m a firm believer trying to look your best for date night still matters.
It shows your spouse you still care. It also makes you feel like a million bucks, which is equally important!
Don’t Let Other Things Cancel Your Plans

Yes, you can say no to that extended family event, late work night, or kids event. We’ve learned to make date night sacred and not let other things take over. That doesn’t mean we don’t do plenty of those other things, but we make sure they work around our date night plans. I promise this mentality shift helps you figure out how date your spouse even when your schedule is tight!
Do Take Turns Planning

We share a lot of interests, but we definitely have diverse interests too! We have a rule that we take turns planning when we have an open week without previously booked tickets or events: we take turns switching off who is responsible for planning. And when it’s not your turn, you have to go along with whatever the other person planned without complaining.
It has helped us both branch out so much! I’ve learned to love car shows, and he’s learned to appreciate more art installations. We’ve both learned that figuring out how to date your spouse involves new experiences and a variety of activities that one or both of us will enjoy. Plus, there’s a lot of joy to be had to watch your spouse get to do something they love and are passionate about, even if you aren’t the biggest fan.
Don’t Do The Same Thing Every Week

New experiences help trigger dopamine. That’s one of the chemicals in your brain that helps love and excitement flourish. We love a standby favorite restaurant as much as the next person. However, mixing things up and trying new things together has helped keep the spark alive for us. You want that dopamine rush, and you want to share it together! If you need some fresh ideas, check out our 101 Fun Date Ideas List!
Do Plan a Budget

Nothing helps you forget how to date your spouse like being stressed about money. There are tons of free date ideas (we have 52 of them), and it’s easy to find cheap date ideas too. But make sure you have some budget set aside so you can date your spouse without worrying about how you’re going to afford it.
Don’t Stress!

Dating was meant to be fun! There’s a good chance if you’re married, you once had fun together. You joined forces as a team because you enjoy each other. It’s okay to laugh off weird things that happen now. It’s definitely okay to make a move on your date now that you’re married. Truly, it’s meant to be a time to forget your responsibilities for a few hours and just enjoy time together.