After nine extremely happy years together, we’ve learned on several pieces of marriage advice to learn what makes a happy marriage. We’re sharing our words of wisdom for marriage in honor of our anniversary.
Today is our anniversary! I knew I was making the best choice of my life when I decided to marry Jacob. He’s honest, he’s funny, he’s smart, he’s selfless, and he knows how to make life fun! But I’ve learned a lot in our almost decade together. We’ve pieced together marriage advice from happy couples and figured out some sage advice on our own. I wanted to share some words of wisdom we’ve learned or were gifted that can make all the difference in a happy marriage.
Marriage Advice From Happy Couples
Date each other every week no matter what.
Even if you don’t have money. Even if you don’t think you have time. I’ve always been surprised a clergy leader counseled us to forget money and resources and just make it happen. It truly has been the happiest thing in our marriage!
Clearly we started FWIL for just this reason and project. I’m in awe of what a difference a little fun has meant in the big picture.
Need ideas? Check out:
52 Completely Free Date Ideas to Do this Year or 40 Cute Date Ideas
Laugh at everything.
Life is much too serious to not laugh any chance you get. Share inside jokes. Go to comedy clubs. Watch funny movies. Make sure there is a ton of laughter in your relationship. It’s the scientific part of keeping serotonin flowing which equates to those feelings of love.
Get on the same page with money.
I was asked recently when I first knew Jacob was my person. It’s about the least romantic moment I think any couple has had! We talked about our theories on cars and how we buy them two years used for max depreciation. We actually said “Max depreciation” in unison and I became the heart eye emoji instantly.
It’s been easy to talk about where we save, where we splurge, and our theories on finances. Meet regularly to talk about budgets if your budget is tight. Talk about it often even if it isn’t. But get on the same page with your finances and goals.
It’s the small things, not the big things that matter
Focus on the little things. That may include kissing every day, five or ten minutes of look-you-in-the-eyes conversation, or sending a considerate text to let them know when you’re leaving work.
We’ve found the small little things are actually the big things. Do the little things. Do them every day.
Get away from your kids regularly.
It always breaks my heart when couples tell me they’ve never had a night away from their kids. It breaks it even more when they mention they haven’t had a kid-free date out in years. I get that budgets can be tight and babysitters are hard to come by. But I promise a vacation (even a night) for two away is about the best thing you can give your marriage.
The couples who really struggle typically have one or both parties who are extremely selfish. They do what they want without regard to the other. On the inverse, some of the best words of wisdom in marriage I heard in my youth. It should be “anxiously engaged in the other’s well-being.” AKA, don’t be selfish. Think about them first. Put their needs first.
We’ve found the more we think about each other, the more contagious this type of thinking becomes.
Every couple Benefits from therapy
Sometimes that’s in the form of books, like a Loom Love Journal or The 5 Love Languages. But sometimes that’s actual therapy. Don’t wait until you’re on the brink of divorce to do it. I’m a firm believer every couple can benefit from a subjective trained professional coaching them in their relationship. But if you think there’s an issue, take care of it.
As a former abuse victim with some PTSD, I’d counsel the same on an individual level. If you know your past is impacting your present, get help. You and your spouse are worth it!
I’m so grateful I’m married to an independent soul who loves that I”m an independent soul! Our tastes and ideals have changed in the decade we’ve been engaged and married. But I’m so glad we’ve evolved together!
There have been career changes, parenting decisions we never anticipated, and a lot of changing dreams and plans. That’s how it’s meant to be! But as you change, include it in your marriage. Share your new ideas and passions together. Share how you’ve changed.
I’d argue it’s the spice that keeps a marriage exciting no matter how long you’ve been together!
Decide you hit the jackpot with your spouse.
I’ve read so many studies that say what you believe becomes your reality. This is true in marriage. If you believe you are the luckiest person and found the greatest match, you will live that dream! On the inverse, if you question and worry and pick apart, you’ll start to feel insecure and depressed with your relationship.
If you haven’t read my post about Why I Love Jacob Whiting With All My Heart, you should! I shared how my abusive past let me appreciate all the good in this man.
He really is amazing, other people tell me all the time how lucky I am. But I believe the same thing- I’m a LUCKY girl! I know what I got in him! I’m lucky he feels the same about me! We live a happy reality because we choose to see our lives that way.